Your Kids, My Kids, Our Kids

I'm not very good at small talk. I'm awkward and never know what to say. So, when the delivery lady brought a package to my front door and made polite conversation the other week, I was trying to keep it simple and not embarrass myself.

"Two little girls, huh?" the polite lady observed as she saw my fiance's daughters playing in the living room. "Just the two girls?" she asked.

I was about to answer her question when I stopped. I didn't really know how to answer her question easily. Before explaining that my fiance has two daughters and I have a daughter and a son, I realized that wasn't true anymore. We have four kids. We have three daughters and a son. But is that true?

Being new to blended families, I wasn't prepared to answer this question. I've been thinking about it a lot in the last couple of weeks. Here are a few of my thoughts.

I am not my future step-kids' dad. Their dad is still very much in their lives, and that's great. I am their Cory. Can I still consider them my kids? I treat them as my kids. I tell them I love them daily. I kiss them on the head when I tuck them in at night the same as I do the two kids I share genes with. 

There was one particularly awkward moment (a lot of moments are awkward for me) when my soon-to-be step-daughters called me "dad" in front of their dad. I know how I would feel if my kids called another man "dad" and I wanted to let him know that I'm not trying to replace him in his daughters' lives. I told the girls that I am their Cory and their father is right over there.

As I am their Cory, they are my girls. I used to separate the kids into two groups: mine and hers. I don't do that anymore. They are our kids. We have four kids. We are a blended family, but we are a family first. We all live by the same rules and we love each other all the same. I honestly believe that is the only way a blended family can ever work.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Parenting is Hard

First, I want to make it clear that this is not an advice blog. I'm not an expert. I have a college degree, but it's not in parenting. In fact, nothing out there can prepare you adequately for parenting. Parenting is hard. And for every piece of advice you read about parenting, there are 15 "experts" saying the exact opposite. So, we've established that this is NOT an advice blog.

Also, this blog is really more for me. If anyone reads this and is helped in any way, then great. If no one ever reads this except me, then that's ok too. By the way, you're looking really great today, Cory. Thanks.

The reason for writing this blog is because I like to reflect on situations and I like to write. So, I'm going to do both of those here.

BACKGROUND

I'm a 30-year-old divorcee with a son (6) and a daughter (5). My daughter has special needs and is behind developmentally in a lot of ways. I've been divorced from their mother for over three years. Today, I live with my fiance (27) and her two daughters (6 and 3). We both have joint custody of our respective biological children.

Four kids. All young. In a blended family. It's not easy, but we survive. Future posts will be about situations we've faced and how we decided to handle them, good and bad (we're not perfect).